Creators of PDL Alex and Ollie have decided to waste more spare time by resurrecting some old YouTube channel Ollie once had or something. Here, it’s just straight up film reviews. Kind of like Siskel and Ebert but without Siskel and Ebert. And with more corny one-liners. Check out their first two reviews together on the channel.
THE EVIL DEAD (1981)
EYES WIDE SHUT (1999)
As we all know from experience, sometimes IMDb users can be a little pretentious, especially when reviewing bad movies. If you dig deep enough, there’s guaranteed gold somewhere in the user reviews of every movie on there. So now it’s time for the snobbish to be snobbed by the even more snobbish. Here are some of my personal favourite Beast of Yucca Flats reviews:
“Nothing bothers some people – not even awful movies. Joseph Javorsky. Noted scientist. From behind the Iron Curtain. Role not explained. Secret data. Flag on the moon. A man shot. An awful film. A man runs. Somebody shoots at him. 110 in the shade. There is no shade. Actual lines. From the movie. Touch a button. The stop button. Things don’t happen. The a-bomb. A man transformed into a beast. His wife and children killed and hungry. Unrelated subplots. A woman strangled. Reasons uncertain. Couple murdered. The wheels of progress keep on turning. Pointless nudity. Secret data. Police incompetent. Noted scientist. Two boys feed soda pop to the thirsty pigs. No-one talks. At least not on screen. Narrator drones. Sentence fragments. Not yet caught up in the whirlwind of progress. How did this film get made? Shoot first, write script later. Coleman Francis. Noted bad film-maker.”
“Yucka is right! After five minutes of listening to the narrator I wanted to cover his mouth with duct tape or something. The real “beast” here is Coleman Francis for making this film atrocity!”
“Just saw the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode. All I can say is that it is somehow watchable yet you have barely any idea what is going on. Flags on The Moon. Tor Johnson manages to be typecast – again…and again…and again, always monsters. Flags On The Moon. People might wonder why I end each paragraph with “Flags on the moon” that is a repeated line by a narrator that should tell us what’s going on however makes things more confusing. Flags On The Moon.”
– ted00043
“Sure, Plan 9 From Outer Space was terrible but at least it also got you laughing at it’s rubbishness. This film is very short, but it seems like a very long movie. If you don’t believe me, you’ll just have to take my word for it because there is no way I would recommend this to any sane human being. The scenes are boring and the characters are unnecessary like the entire movie. For the rest of my life I will stay as far away from it as possible.”
– supercoolvgfreak (who, incidentally, is my younger brother)
“I’ve come to the conclusion this hunk of crap was made to launder 90% of their budget because they couldn’t have spent more than a few thousand to make it. Unless you watch this with the MST3k commentary I suggest you find a better way to waste your time, like stabbing yourself repeatedly.”
“For all its flaws, this film has its uses. It seems twice as long as it really is – so when it’s over, the viewer discovers a full, totally unexpected extra hour of life available! Time enough to watch a really good movie, such as “The Sinister Urge.” The net effect is similar to coming off of Daylight Savings Time in the fall. A boon! A reprieve! Etc.”
“spoiler : A fat guy ( described as a russian scientist, but why ?) walks in the desert. He seems to get burned ( me too, buying it) get a scar on the face, strangle a moron and in the end of this poor short movie get shot by two other morons. That’s all. OOps, I forgot : The wonderful dialog is ‘UUURHH, Grunt, Grunt !’ I want my money back.”
– Varboro
Director: Zoltan Corda
Starring: Sabu
PDL Rating: 2.5/5 (on a good scale)
Internet Archive download link: http://archive.org/details/JungleBook
Director: Hal Walker
Starring: Bing Crosby, Bob Hope
PDL Rating: 3/5 (on a good scale)
Internet Archive download link: http://archive.org/details/road_to_bali_ipod
Hey, whaddya know. The master of crap, Roger Corman, responsible for 2 of the films in our collection so far and dozens more in the public domain, actually had a cameo in what is thought by many to be one of the greatest films of all time; many believe it is the greatest sequel of all time. He plays one of the senators in the trial scenes, and actually has a line: “Mr. Corleone, would you kindly identify for the committe the gentleman sitting to your left?”
No joke. That’s the guy behind Attack of the Giant Leeches acting in a Godfather movie.
Some of you may be aware of the upcoming Plan 9 From Outer Space remake (simply titled Plan 9) which was either in development hell for years, or they released the teaser trailer waaaaaaay too early.
The film now has a set release date – January 1st 2013. This teaser trailer was released 8th September fucking 2009.
The movie is set to star Brian Krause, Matthew Ewald, and… wait… fucking James Rolfe will be in it!
If you want to stay updated on the film as we come closer to the release date, check out their news page.
Also be sure to check out the production company’s official YouTube page and their nice string of Plan 9-related videos: http://www.youtube.com/user/DarkstoneEnt/videos?query=plan+9
You know, we read once that friggin’ Ryan Higa was going to be in it, but… that was most probably IMDb fucking up. I mean, these are the guys who said Will Ferrell of all people was going to be an executive producer of the upcoming AVGN movie. Poor James Rolfe, he seems to be a victim of the IMDb tabloids.
Swedish wrestler
Staring at children’s arses.
No-one else around.
