Archive for Beast of Yucca Flats

Beast of Yucca Flats – The Sequel

Posted in Blogs 'n' sheez with tags , on December 13, 2012 by publicdomainlibrary

We’re not making it up.

In 2010, two guys named Leon Cowan and David C. Hayes who apparently had some film school dropouts at their disposal actually made a sequel to the 1961 classic The Beast of Yucca Flats, entitled Return To Yucca Flats: Desert Man Beast.

Amazing trailer that is amazing:

Its IMDb page is certainly odd – somehow the film has garnered a rating of 5.8 from 13 users (which, in comparison to the ratings most movies on this website get, is indescribably high), and the only message board post has been one from an actual actor in the film:

This film was the most FUN I have ever had as an actor. It was efficient, well planned, fast “sunrise to sunset”…done, the ad-libs were funny and the overall selection of actors was tremendous. The Director had his act together and the new process of movie making was more enjoyable than the normal “sit around and wait” process of film making. The production set was fast action for both crew and actors. The make-up artist knew her stuff and at the end of production day I felt incredible satisfaction in participating in this film “Return to Yucca Flats: Desert Man-Beast”. David C. Hayes’ talent and comedic timing helped keep up the smiles of everyone on the set. I have worked with him on several projects, and you can feel his energy when he walks onto the set.

Anyone else who worked on this film, how was your experience?

Dale Ohnmeiss

He actually directly asked other people who worked on the film what they thought. As if he knows the film is so unpopular the only people who would check out the page would be cast and crew members of the film itself. I guess that explains the rating. Indeed, this message board post is two years old and as of now there have been no responses.

Like most crappy independent films, the DVD is stupendously overpriced, and unfortunately it’s only available from Amazon.com (which means us two over in England have no way of seeing it).

But hey, the customer review is probably right.

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Beast of Yucca Flats – extracts from IMDb User Reviews

Posted in Blogs 'n' sheez with tags , on October 7, 2012 by publicdomainlibrary

As we all know from experience, sometimes IMDb users can be a little pretentious, especially when reviewing bad movies. If you dig deep enough, there’s guaranteed gold somewhere in the user reviews of every movie on there. So now it’s time for the snobbish to be snobbed by the even more snobbish. Here are some of my personal favourite Beast of Yucca Flats reviews:

 

“Nothing bothers some people – not even awful movies. Joseph Javorsky. Noted scientist. From behind the Iron Curtain. Role not explained. Secret data. Flag on the moon. A man shot. An awful film. A man runs. Somebody shoots at him. 110 in the shade. There is no shade. Actual lines. From the movie. Touch a button. The stop button. Things don’t happen. The a-bomb. A man transformed into a beast. His wife and children killed and hungry. Unrelated subplots. A woman strangled. Reasons uncertain. Couple murdered. The wheels of progress keep on turning. Pointless nudity. Secret data. Police incompetent. Noted scientist. Two boys feed soda pop to the thirsty pigs. No-one talks. At least not on screen. Narrator drones. Sentence fragments. Not yet caught up in the whirlwind of progress. How did this film get made? Shoot first, write script later. Coleman Francis. Noted bad film-maker.”

– schrodingers_duck

 

“Yucka is right! After five minutes of listening to the narrator I wanted to cover his mouth with duct tape or something. The real “beast” here is Coleman Francis for making this film atrocity!”

– BaronBl00d

 

“Just saw the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode. All I can say is that it is somehow watchable yet you have barely any idea what is going on. Flags on The Moon. Tor Johnson manages to be typecast – again…and again…and again, always monsters. Flags On The Moon. People might wonder why I end each paragraph with “Flags on the moon” that is a repeated line by a narrator that should tell us what’s going on however makes things more confusing. Flags On The Moon.”

– ted00043

 

“Sure, Plan 9 From Outer Space was terrible but at least it also got you laughing at it’s rubbishness. This film is very short, but it seems like a very long movie. If you don’t believe me, you’ll just have to take my word for it because there is no way I would recommend this to any sane human being. The scenes are boring and the characters are unnecessary like the entire movie. For the rest of my life I will stay as far away from it as possible.”

– supercoolvgfreak (who, incidentally, is my younger brother)

 

“I’ve come to the conclusion this hunk of crap was made to launder 90% of their budget because they couldn’t have spent more than a few thousand to make it. Unless you watch this with the MST3k commentary I suggest you find a better way to waste your time, like stabbing yourself repeatedly.”

– dalcazar-1

 

“For all its flaws, this film has its uses. It seems twice as long as it really is – so when it’s over, the viewer discovers a full, totally unexpected extra hour of life available! Time enough to watch a really good movie, such as “The Sinister Urge.” The net effect is similar to coming off of Daylight Savings Time in the fall. A boon! A reprieve! Etc.”

– Howard Sauertieg

 

“spoiler : A fat guy ( described as a russian scientist, but why ?) walks in the desert. He seems to get burned ( me too, buying it) get a scar on the face, strangle a moron and in the end of this poor short movie get shot by two other morons. That’s all. OOps, I forgot : The wonderful dialog is ‘UUURHH, Grunt, Grunt !’ I want my money back.”

– Varboro

Artsy haiku (aka the most retarded thing we’re likely to post)

Posted in Other bollocks with tags on September 19, 2012 by publicdomainlibrary

Swedish wrestler

Staring at children’s arses.

No-one else around.

Image

Tor Johnson and tits

Posted in Blogs 'n' sheez with tags , , , on September 16, 2012 by publicdomainlibrary

Hey, did you know that The Beast of Yucca Flats has tits? You can totally see them on some DVD versions, or even some YouTube uploads (but you’d have to catch them, as they’re a bit short-lived). At the beginning of the movie there’s a completely pointless scene in which a girl dries herself with a towel for about 15 seconds before feeling the wrath of Tor Johnson’s beefy odour. In the uncut version, we get a few completely intentional glimpses of boobs. Here are a few stills of the irrelevant porn, but for your viewing pleasure… we’ve censored them.

Oh come on, think about it, those are 1961 tits. What good are they now? If you want to see the uncensored pictures there’s always this. And it’s also worth noting that the uncut version is up for download on the Internet Archive, though it does start more abruptly than the censored version for some reason.

Big question: why is the censored version the most common version? Sure, this is probably as exploitive as B-movies of its time went, but… is anyone really going to be traumatised by a few harmless seconds of boobs? Regardless, being the underground movie it is, it must have been inevitable from the start that barely anyone would watch it, and it’s never shown on TV nowadays or anything. Hell, classic noir The Third Man has about 10 seconds of highly sexualised boobs and no-one gave a crap about that. Sure, they weren’t in the foreground, but they were bigger and bouncier than their much tamer 1961 counterparts.

The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)

Posted in Films, Hall Of Fame with tags , , , on September 15, 2012 by publicdomainlibrary

Director: Coleman Francis

Starring: Tor Johnson, Anthony Cardoza

PDL rating: 5/5

Internet Archive download link: http://archive.org/details/Beast_of_Yucca_Flats_movie